Holding onto Hope

I continue to remain in awe at how God speaks to us if we are open to hearing Him...if we are really trying to listen. Until recently, I was very much struggling with this and I can only trace that back to our first call. After we made what I consider one of the most difficult choices of my life, I lost my way. I didn't handle it well and even though I thought I was waiting for God to help me out, I pretty much wasn't listening at all. I wasn't really even talking or sharing with Him. I was just in-between. My stupor was pretty bad in August, sort of subsided in early fall, and came back full-on in December.

The thing that set me right was the devotional book my mom gave me for Christmas. I started it the next morning and more than halfway through it now, I can see and feel the changes God is working--in my heart and in my spirit.

So yesterday, remember that I wrote how my mommy-bliss had nearly vanished and was being replaced by fear, anxiety and sheer terror? Well, here is what my devotional was for the day:

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,

for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

Holley, the author of the devotional book, also writes Christian greeting cards IRL. She shared one she wrote about hope:

Hope is more than a word--it's a state of being.

It's a firm belief that even if you don't know how,

even if you don't know when,

God will come through and better days are ahead.

Life brings rain...Hope dances in the puddles

until the sun comes out again.

She writes, "That's why it's important to make a conscious commitment to living in hope rather than relying on our emotions....True hope is believing in unchanging truths: that God is good, He has a plan, and we are loved." (pages 99-101)

I am making a conscious choice to Hope today. I believe in my heart that God has a plan, that that plan is in process, and that His plan really will be so much better than I could have ever come up with on my own. I read an article in Adoptive Families magazine awhile ago regarding waiting between match and placement--net/net was that I could be guarded and not enjoy this time because I was protecting myself if it didn't work out, but what happened if it did? Then I would have missed out on getting to spend our wait feeling full of love and hope and dreaming of our baby. So, I am inviting the mommy-bliss back and I am choosing Hope. The rest is in God's very capable hands.