That's how long it took until we got our first "call." BUT, I need to explain.
Our agency does blind-matching, as I've described before, based on a set of predetermined criteria that we as the adoptive family agree to prior to going active. This criteria sets the parameters for our match and includes all the major things you would want and need to know in order to make a match (race, substance history, medical/mental history, and a variety of details surrounding the pregnancy & birth). You set this criteria prior to going active for several reasons. One, you do your homework BEFORE you get a call and you are less likely to be swayed by the emotions of the situation, ie "OMG, there's a baby!" and two, the agency is better able to show profiles to birth families because they have a strong familiarity with each adoptive families' wishes. Unless a birth family sees the online profiles ahead of time and selects a family from there, the agency will only show profiles that "fit" or come vary close to fitting that birth family's situation. The only time the agency will call us prior to the match is if birth familiy's situation is outside our criteria, for whatever reason. All this happens behind the scenes and we as adoptive families wait patiently for "the call."
Well, we got a call yesterday about a situation that was outside our criteria. I won't go into details but both DH and I knew nearly immediately that this situation was pushing the envelope in terms of what we knew we could handle, and so we declined the match.
We declined the match.
I never, NEVER, in a million years would have guessed that we would say no to a baby. We have wanted this for so very long and we are more excited than I can explain in words to grow our family. But here we are, four days out from activation, and we could have been parents today at 2PM. My heart aches for this baby, and my heart cries for the birth family. Both will have long roads to haul and we cannot help them. Baby, if you're out there somewhere in the universe, I am so very sorry that I could not be your mommy. I have been thinking about you non-stop and I pray with everything that I am that you will find that family that is meant to be yours. I pray that they will love you, cuddle you, cherish you, and do everything in their power to give you what you deserve. I pray for your birth parents too because they will need more support now than ever and in many different areas. I hope that they receive the help they need.
I might have been a mom today. Please Father, give me the strength I need to keep moving forward and the patience I need to get to where you are leading us.
6 comments:
Wow. That sounds terrifying, having to make a decision on the fly like that. You did the right thing, though. Your criteria were set up when you both were thinking clearly and rationally about your situation and what you needed. Agreeing to take on more than that in the heat of the moment could have been disastrous. But that still must have been one of the hardest "no"s ever.
Thinking of you and getting excited for you. It sure seems like this is going to happen sooner rather than later, and when it does? It's going to be a perfect fit. hang in there.
That must have been so difficult to say no, but it sounds like you made the right decision. I'm so excited for you though that you probably won't have too much longer to wait for the right match. :)
That would be so hard, but it is better for you to say no than to do something you might regret when it involves another person's life. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Nicole while I have no idea the circumstances but no matter what you had to follow your heart and the Lord has HIS perfect baby for you..I know it couldn't have been easy but then again I dont think much about adoption is...hang in there know you are loved and being thought of
I love you! You are one of the strongest, bravest, most beautiful friends I have....I cant wait to see you be a mommy, and I know it will come at the right time, with the right situation....
It must have been so hard to have made this decision. I think you are so brave to have been true to what you feel you can really handle.
And it occurs to me that some family out there who felt that they could say yes ( and I believe that there was one) will be really happy and ecstatic right now that they had the opportunity. of course I don't know the circumstances, but that is my thought. good luck and really hope that you get another call soon. You sound like great candidates!
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