Here we go!

Thank you so so so much for all your support! Even BigTex was asking who had left comments, and since he thinks I am obsessed with blogging, that is pretty funny. You, my dear internets, have been more amazing than I would have EVER guessed when I started this little corner to share my thoughts. On 2/4, I will celebrate my 2nd blogoversary, and as I approach 200 posts, I can't help but think of each of you--your journey, your place in this infinite space. When I talk about you IRL, I call you my friends. Because you are--you have been--every step of the way.

So thank you, from the bottom of my heart...

Now, the good stuff, right?

Most of you know that I had a dream night before last, one that I was IN and did not want to wake up from. But when I did, I truly had this feeling in my gut that I didn't need to worry because our baby was going to find us soon. The peace has been building for several weeks--my prayer (I've been praying for God to quiet the anxiety in my head and in my heart, and to bring true peace with the patience I need for each day) has been answered little by little. Yesterday morning, during my devotional, I had a very quiet but very big moment: I really gave this (this worry, this heartache, this fear, this longing) to Him and I let Him know I was on board for His plan. Really and truly on-board. I thought about my grandfather, who would have celebrated his 90th birthday yesterday, enjoying Heaven and being able to live whole once again. The sun was shining, it nearly felt warm when I was outside. And this must have played on my radio 8 or 10 times.

I was on my way home from calling on customers in a large city about 2 hours away when "Private Number" started ringing on my phone. When I answered and our SW said hi, I am pretty sure I didn't breathe for nearly half a minute. She was calling because there was a situation--we had be chosen by an expectant family right off the website and there were a couple of small details that fell outside of our 'willing to except' list. She proceeded to review the situation, and honestly, I am amazed I was A) able to stay straight on the freeway going 70, B) able to comprehend what she was telling me enough to relay it to BigTex, and C) not just freakin' hysterical. When she had covered everything, I was surprised because the few details she called to ask about were, in my mind, next to nothing. I agreed to call BigTex right away and I told her I would call her back after we spoke.

BigTex and I connected--I called his office and he promptly left work so we could talk freely. I shared everything with him, and we agreed we needed to check with a pediatrician on something. I was able to reach our good friend Dr. S (thank you thank you thank you for picking up your phone!) and he settled our slight concern immediately. I called BigTex back, told him what Dr. S said and then we just sort of sat there--me in my car, he in his. He asked me how I felt about it. Amazingly, I was still very rational and calm. I told him that if we were chosen by this family, if they saw something in us that they liked based on 4 short pages and that allowed them to envision their child with us, that to me, all the details fit and seemed to fall where we had hoped, and that worst case scenario, we'd be back on the list in 8 weeks with scuffed up hearts--than we should accept the match. I wanted to accept the match. It was OUR match.

He agreed with me, 100%. I called our SW back and told her we where honored to have been chosen by this family and we couldn't wait for the next step. She congratulated us and said she'd send the paperwork we needed to do right away. And then, my car was quiet.

I'm not sure when the tears started, or how long I was crying before I reached home. I prayed over and over, thanking God for walking beside me every day, for carrying me when I didn't have the strength, for loving me even when I wandered away in my belief and in my faith. My heart was flooded with joy, and gratitude, and thanksgiving. His plan is always WAY better...I am just sorry that there were days when I wasn't sure about that.

We have obviously shared the good news with our immediate families and friends who have done nothing but love and support us on our long, overdue journey to be parents. My sister's reaction was by far the best, followed by our IRL adoptive parent friends who brought home their baby in November. Some screaming, some laughing, and maybe a few tears. It is so wonderful to share this joy with the ones who have had our backs all along the way. A bottle of champagne later, BigTex and I settled into bed to watch Bon.es and snuggle with our fuzzy kitties. The perfect end to what can only be described as the best day of my life, so far.

As for the juicy stuff, we are choosing to keep nearly all the details to ourselves, out of respect for the first family. I will say that the due date is March 4, so we are T minus 6w6d! We may get a call sooner, as this isn't her first baby and the date is a best guess. There's a slim chance it could be after also. But we'll shoot for 3/4 as we gather, clean, clean, clean, and prepare our house and our lives for the addition of a wee one.

The other big news I'll share is that the agency is coordinating a meeting between the expectant parents and us. They wanted to meet us in person before the birth, and I am already terrified and ecstatic about this. I am sure I'll share more about this in the coming days, but if you met your first family before the big day, I'd love to chat. I already have questions for you! Feel free to email me at allgrownuptoo at gmail dot com.

As for today, my head is spinning. I am in desperate need of some major list-making, the to-dos seem endless. One day at a time. That's the only way I got here, and I guess it will be the only way I'll make it through. That and a ton of support from you, dear friends, a lot of faith, and my heavenly Father.

Amazing. Simply amazing.