So I had about 15 hours of 'omg-I'm-going-to-be-a-mommy-bliss', and now the terror is starting to creep in. Not terror about having a baby...terror that we won't. That something will happen, that they'll change their mind, that they'll want to choose another couple they like better. Oh how I hate feeling so vulnerable! I'm not worried that my heart might break if this falls through, only about the actual falling through. I'm pretty sure--no, convinced--that this baby and this first family have come into our lives for a reason. I wish that I was 110% sure that it was because this baby is meant to be our baby. If I just look at how this worked out objectively, at the facts of the situation, it really is the best situation we could ask for--time to get ourselves, our jobs in order, time to get the house together. The level of openness is what we wanted (on-going contact) and there are a bunch of other things I won't mention here. But is it the right one for them? I find myself thinking about the expectant parents constantly. The more we've learned, the more I see them in my head. They aren't just 'strangers' like before, they are two individuals who are in a very difficult place and are having to walk a road they probably didn't expect to go down less than a year ago. I am attached to them already and no matter what happens, I know that won't change.
If you're the praying kind, please pray for our peace during this time and that His Will be done, whatever the outcome. And if you could, pray for our expectant parents--that they are comforted by and confident in their decisions all the way until the big day.
8 comments:
Oh dear, sounds like you're in a hard place:( I wish I could magically make the next two months go by fast and have you be with your baby already instead of this unknown. Fwiw the first parents sound like they are very committed to this process and I know they're gonna love you both. I'll be sending prayers your way too. (((( hugs))))
I am praying for you and for strength for the birth parents to mke this difficult decision. Good luck. You are going to be a mommy!!!
The way you've managed to retain your faith in all of your trials -- and continue to think of others first -- is inspiring to me.
I'm not too sure the Big Guy is listening to me lately, but if it will help I'll send pleas for you and your "other" family that way. I'm hoping beyond all hope, and with every fiber of my being, that the next six weeks fly uneventfully by. I can't wait to meet Baby Turtle / Baby Tulip!
Hugs,
Jo
I said in my last post that two months is such a sort time, but I forgot to factor the agonizing wait that is already torturing you. I am hoping that after you meet them that you will feel more reassured. Either way, we will be here for you cheering you on and hoping that you do find your center. :)
Thinking of you every single day, and so very excited for you. I can't imagine the tension you're living under right now, but oh! Such a wonderful gift at the end of it! Hoping for a boring and uneventful 2 months for all of you.
isn't it funny how we wait, and wait and wait for our perfect match, and when it comes, we worry and worry and worry about it?!? I'm totally right there with you! Our match has been beautiful, couldn't ask for more, but there is always the WHAT IF in the back of my mind. Keep holding on, only to the moment if you have to. Don't get caught up in tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. Just RIGHT NOW. That is what's helped me tremendously.
Hang in there! Your wait is much shorter than ours...we were matched with J when she was only 15 weeks!! It will be here before you know it!
I will say lots of prayers. I know how stressful this is for you...it's excitement mixed with a feeling of having everything out of your control. Hang in there and take it one day at a time :)
((Hugs))
New to your blog and so happy to find it at a wonderfully exciting time for you. I understand the nervousness as I am also an adoptive mom. You will be forever connecting yourself to another family, who you will love more than you ever thought could happen. As I grew to know my daughter's first mom, I knew that I would be there for her no matter what she ended up deciding.
Praying for you and your soon to be family.
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