Wisdom

As always, thank you guys for your kind words and encouragement. If I can't be sane, at least I have you to help keep my feet under me.

I am really trying hard to not think about the whole EP/match/baby-right-around-the-corner situation. Why? Because it is SO hard to not question everything and come up with, like, nine different reasons that each part of this ISN'T going to work. Those darn what-if monsters are really nipping at my heels and I am finding it very challenging to move forward instead of getting sucked into their trap.

A couple of thoughts, however:

• I realized over the weekend that as joyful as I am that we are going to be growing our family, I am so very sad for our EPs. Not in a pity sort of way at all, but it makes my heart ache to even think about how this might feel (which of course I am only projecting) for them and how difficult the days and weeks and months after the birth may be for them. They may not be difficult, like I said I'm only projecting my emotions onto them, but I imagine they will be. And so I am finding this whole thing to be very, very bittersweet.
• I think I might also be terrified that in what will soon be less than 3 weeks, I may be a momma. That is starting to set in and I even got nauseous just thinking about it today.
• BigTex said two things this weekend that have stuck with me--once again emphasizing how much better he is handling this than I am. When talking to his dad who was saying he was really hoping this all worked out for us, BigTex responded, "Well, we have no reason not to think it will." Matter-of-fact. Straight up. I really think he believes that and I wondered quietly to myself why I was looking for reasons that this will fall through instead of rejoicing in the fact that there is NO evidence that it will. My hubby is a smart man, I tell you.
• Second thing BigTex said was when talking with his mom, she asked about us getting to know our EPs and he responded, "Well it's not like we need to be best friends with them." I realized that he's right and even though I feel this overwhelming need to PROVE to them that they made the right pick and to show that we are going to be the best parents, I don't have to. I don't need to build the entire framework of our open adoption before the baby comes. I don't need to obsess about whether they like us or trust us or feel comfortable with us when we talk. They must like us (because they picked us) and who says we aren't allowed to feel a tad awkward about the whole process. It IS unusual and it IS hard on everyone. Again, BigTex is very smart.

So I am now trying not to freak out that they haven't emailed us back since Friday--I know they are super busy trying to get ready to move to a new place and they had company this weekend. I am trying to get over myself...which is proving harder than I would have thought. Am I really this self-centered? Kidding...sort of.

Thanks again. You, my bloggy friends, rock.