My dear friend K told me today she had success with her IUI..they're expecting.
95% of me is jumping up and down and can't be happier.
5% of me is shrunk up into fetal position, sobbing and just not understanding.
All I can hear right now in my gut is that 5%, even though my heart is with the 95%.
Will it ever get easier?
9 comments:
I have been there too this week. My cousing is pregnant. I feel like an awful person for being sad inside.
I don't think it gets easier. I think it gets harder.
{hugs}
I know the sound of that 5% all too well, too! (((HUGS)))
I've given up trying to make sure I feel the right thing when friends and friends of friends and family members become knocked up.
My feelings are exactly that my feelings and I make no apologies for them anymore, this comes after years of feeling like I SHOULD always be happy for their good news.
Not anymore, for my own sanity, I'd happily and do happily let the 5% win over the 95% for as long as it needs to....
xxx
I have been in this boat too.... 5 years of infertility (which seems like nothing to some) ... I actually got pregnant the same time 2 of my girlfriends did, and we were all excited, and then I lost mine, they had theirs. I always looked at them and thought...
... countless times I had to go through announcements of them being pregnant and wanting to do nothing more then cry - it's always a good thing when true happiness for the friends outweigh the instant depression.
Then after 5 years, 4 miscarriage, I found out that I finally had a sticker - then I was told he probably wouldn't live through the pregnancy and/or birth... but he did! 7 years later, he's currently trying to play hide n seek with his baby brothers... Out of my 4 boys that I'm so very blessed to have - I have 4 very different miracles.
It doesn't matter how they come to us, it only matters how they were meant to be ours.
I hope your *Match* comes soon!!
{{HUGS}} I found you via the ICLW links :)
I'm not sure.
Had this kind of week too. Angry at myself for not being able to show the love and happiness I feel. Which makes it all worse.
Walking this road with you.
Even with V, it still curls my gut up a bit when someone announces a pregnancy. I don't even wanna BE pregnant anymore, but on some level my IF jealousy demon erupts. I can say that once you have your baby (and you will, in fact, have your child) the 5% goes down to like 1%
I don't think it gets easier until we have our own. Even then, I wonder if I'll be worried about the second.
The positive is that you KNOW you will have a baby at some point and won't have to feel this way for much longer.
Second The Uproductive One - your feelings are your feelings - and you don't have to justify them to anyone!
Huge hugs!
Kate
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