1. Open Adoption--I mean, really OPEN adoption, is the hardest thing we will EVER EVER do in our lives. I had read this before we were placed with Tulip, but I now believe it with every fiber of my being. I wouldn't want it any other way, but let me tell you...this is no joke.
2. We are dealing with a lot of emotions--both of us. Strongly present is the guilt of having this beautiful little girl in our arms, when we know how much love her first parents have for her. We know that if they could have parented her, they would have in a heartbeat, and it sucks sucks sucks that they were not able to. Of course we are grateful and blessed that we are in her life and she in ours--and we know that this is at the choosing of her first parents. But it is still challenging us each day to acknowledge these feelings and yet let them go so we can focus on being parents to our daughter.
Anyone have any good resources for adoptive parents in open adoption? I know about AF magazine and their website is great, but any good books we can check out or blogs dealing with this subject? I read quite a few via the Open Adoption Blogger blogroll, but maybe I've missed some good ones. And any open adoptive parents out there have advice on working through the emotions of guilt surrounding our placement and first parents? We could sure use it.
Once again, thank you to everyone who prayed without ceasing that this would work out the way God had intended. Please continue to pray for our daughter's first parents, for peace and comfort for all of us, and for strength as we move forward into very unknown territory for us.
Now back to my Tulip...
4 comments:
im so happy for you that you finally were able to grow your family. times three no less! the first parents are as lucky to have you as you are to have them.
xoxo and good luck finding what you are looking for!
LK is beyond gorgeous
I'm not implying that you are depressed in any way. But I know that this book really helped me, Post Adoption Blues. There is also a blog I found that deals with that as well. http://dontcallmemother.wordpress.com/
That being said I had a bad case of guilt when we first brought home Isabel. Talking and acknowledging it are very helpful. I didn't do that enough. At least not honest enough. Constantly remind each other why they picked you and the reasons they can't parent. My husband was telling me that so often to help me through.
It will get easier. We're almost on our girls 2nd birthday and we're like family now. The guilt, for the most part, is gone away. I still remember it but it just reminds me how grateful I am.
If you need someone to talk to I'm happy to talk.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with feelings of guilt at this stage, when I wish you were able to just revel in Tulip's presence in your lives.
Thinking of you, and of her first parents, and feeling confident that you will get through this and so will they.
I can only begin to imagine the rollercoaster of emotions that you have all been through. I dont have much helpful advice, but lots of love to you and your little Tulip!
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