On our own

Today is the first day that Tulip and I are home alone, just us girls. BigTex had to go back to work today--it's awfully quiet without him here. Granted, I was actually looking forward to this time because now I can watch what I want on TV and if I want to eat the brownie batter without actually making brownies, I won't get that strange look.

It is supposed to be 60 degrees here today and our stroller just came on Tuesday. I think that this afternoon Tulip and I will venture out for a walk around the neighborhood! We live in a small development that if you walk around the whole thing, it is 1 mile. So we'll start with that and see if maybe we can work our way up to 2. I am going to need to work off the brownie batter somehow!!!

Speaking of Tulip--she's awesome. I can't believe that it's already been a week since she came home, and yet it feels like she's been here for so much longer. Really, I believe that she has been...we've waited for her for so long and we've been anticipating her presence for months. As I write, she sits squirmy in her bouncy seat on the floor next to me, wrapped in a fluffy blanket, trying to decide if she should stay asleep or not. Her little noises are too cute!

As for us working things out re: dealing with the placement and guilt and sadness--I think that we are just taking it one day at a time. We have been in contact with the first parents, several times, and that helps some. It also keeps some of the feelings more present that maybe we would like. For them too, I am sure. But we are just having to work through it, because we all love Tulip and want the very very best for her. Her first parents have already done what they could in her best interest, and now it is our turn. BigTex and I have been 100% on the same page with regards to the contact we're having with the first parents, and I am hoping that in the coming weeks and months we will be able to strike a good mix of verbal and written communication with them. We do plan on having visits throughout this year with them, and I am sure the first one will be hard on everyone. Until then, it makes sense to keep wading through this rough patch no matter what. If we ever feel uncomfortable or like we need to have more defined boundaries, our SW told us they will coach us through how to handle that. Right now, we feel good about our contact and we are hoping that even though it is tough, that it will help bring comfort and peace to all of us.

Now--off to take a very quick shower while I can. Happy belated St. Patty's Day too!