I'm feeling a bit more settled this week -- or just doing a better job resigning myself to the fact that waiting isn't a bad thing. It's just a sucky thing.
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BigTex and I are heading off around noon to meet up with my folks and some friends. We're going to have lunch at a local brewery, then cheer on the home team at a football game (FEAR the ROO!), and wrap up the day firepit-side at our friends' house with pizza and more beer. And of course, we will be watching TEXAS tonight as they crush Texas Tech! Payback's a ... !
If you hadn't figured it out already--Fall means football, all the time, in our house!
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This might not make sense--but here it is anyway.
My friend and I were talking last night about the wait--and how everyone, naively, says early on in life that they're "not ready" to have kids yet. It can be they are still in school, or they just got a job, or they want to buy a house, or they haven't saved enough money. There are a ton of reasons to "not be ready" for a baby. Going through IF and now waiting to adopt, I've realized the difference between me and them is that now, I am so beyond ready to have a baby. I don't care if I was still in school, or had a new job, or no job, or a new house or an old apartment, or a lot of money or only a little money. Both BigTex and I are ready. And the part that is so interesting to me is that this change has occurred so gradually, so slowly, I didn't even realize it. Sure, we started TTC when we thought we were finally 'ready.' But did I even have a clue what it meant at that point? Hell no. When we did IVF #1, and then #2 and then #3, when we submitted our application to our agency--was I ready? Did I just think I was ready? Because I am convinced, today, as I write this, that NOW--in both mind and spirit--I am ready to be a parent. I know that BigTex is ready now, and I had my doubts at points along the way.
I've had people tell me that 'you can never be ready or prepared for a baby' because it just changes your life utterly and competely.
Oh yeah? Try spending a little time in the IF-corner or waiting as an adoptive parent. I think 'being ready' is an understatement.
(Hope this wasn't too confusing!)
2 comments:
I totally agree! I passed a co-worker the other day, and she asked me how everything was going. I told her, "just waiting." In response, she said "well, each day is one day closer. At least you'll be ready!" No kidding, right? I liked that response though instead of "oh the wait must killing you...I don't think I could do that." I'm right there with you, Nicole.
BTW, Texas will not crush TECH (my alma mater) tonight!
You said it. So beyond ready, that I'm not sure I would have believed it of myself 10 years ago.
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