My question in the last post prompted response, as I asked for, but then the responses made me feel bad. Not on purpose, mind you, but since everyone disagreed with me and said they'd prefer to have their profile shown and not be chosen v. not be shown at all--well, I have to clarify.
OF COURSE we want to be shown. But for those new to the story, we are working with an agency who does BLIND-MATCHING. This means that the prospective adoptive parents make nearly all their 'ok-to-be-matched' criteria up front. The criteria covers every issue you could think of regarding potential situations and we do our homework on many medical, social, substance-abuse issues before we are even activated--we met with a pediatrician to review many possible scenarios. This keeps us from being swayed by any ONE situation and we can confidently say we are comfortable with any match we receive within our criteria. What this also means is that unlike other agencies, we are not alerted or called for every situation. We are not notified with each birth family that they are working with. When there is a situation that fits (we meet what the birth family is considering AND their situation falls within our match criteria), only then are we shown to the birth family. We don't know about this and we don't get to review the situation. If we are chosen, we are contacted by the agency and we are officially matched! They review the situation with us but since our criteria have already been met, our decision is already made and the match is set unless the birth family changes their mind. If the birth family likes us or sees us online but falls outside our criteria, the agency will call us to review the situation ahead of time and we can say yes or no to being matched at that point. But otherwise, it is done behind closed doors.
So my question really was would I rather have been shown to four or five birth families that I know fit our criteria and were really legitimate situations only to not be chosen OR am I okay with not being shown to any birth families in 7 weeks because that means there were none that would have matched with us anyway?
That's why I said I am ok with not being shown. It just means to us that our family is still out their somewhere.
There, I think I feel a bit better. Thanks for humoring me.
5 comments:
I *think* I know what you're talking about because I think our facilitator works kind of the same way. We aren't shown to any birthmothers who don't fit what we specified... but, believe me we weren't that specific! :)
Anyway, I know that if *we're* a perfect match for what a BM wants, but *she's* not a 100% match for us, the facilitator will call us to discuss details and ask if we want to be shown.
Just found your blog through ICLW!
Ours is somewhat similar, as well. I really agree with you though, Nicole. When I found out our profile hadn't been shown at all, it almost made me feel better. It really doesn't matter how many times it was shown...it only takes one, and it can be THE one!
Better matching is always a good thing. Bad matches are just horrible.
Hey hun, this is your blog, your choice and your adoption process...no one elses :) You guys did what you felt was right and what you were comfortable with...AND you spent A LOT of time researching and selecting your criteria. If I were in the same boat, I wouldnt want to know that lots of ppl looked at my profile and I didnt have a match...I wouldnt want that rejection.
I love you and BigTex mucho, and sorry to the others if I sound a bit defensive, but your my friends and I know what a tough road this has been <3 {hugs}
Just chiming in here. I think that when the right match for you comes along, they'll find you no matter what. If its the baby that is meant for you, you will match with them in some way. So I think its fine that you would rather only be shown to those who are possible matches. At the end of the day, its your decision anyway. Best of luck!
~ICLW~
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