That is where we are. We are not pregnant. We are no longer doing IVF or infertility treatments. We are not yet complete with our homestudy. We have not been matched. We do not have an adopted child in our arms.
We are in-between.
And this makes it so so very tough for me to know what to say here. I just don't know where we fit anymore.
I read this post from Sprogblogger earlier this week and even though we are in different "baby" phases, it sounds a lot like what I am feeling too. I don't want to leave my infertility internets behind, but I don't feel like I fit in here anymore. I haven't jumped into the adoption blogs a whole lot yet, but so many of them seem to be about parenting after adoption, which is just not where we are yet either. She writes: I hope it won’t alienate too many readers, but I fully expect many of you to leave just because it’s no longer a blog that speaks to your experience, which is normal. But that makes me sad. I have come to depend on this community of women to help me get through the unbelieveably shitty times as well as celebrating the good times.
It makes me sad too. I think that's why I've been so quiet. Part of making it through this journey is that I wasn't going it alone--I had all of you. Being in-between just feels like I'm stuck in a bubble floating around everyone else but no one will hear me if I try to speak. I know logically that isn't the case, but emotionally it feels like the last train pulled away from the station with me waving frantically at the caboose. Ugghh.
7 comments:
Just so you know, I'll still be reading whatever you choose to write about. You're dealing - way more gracefully than I have, many times - with a crap situation, and you're inspiring me to do a better job of dealing with the shit my own life throws at me.
Besides, I want to celebrate when that homestudy is complete, and I really want to celebrate when you bring your child home for the first time. As others said to me, "I'll be here as long as you're writing something for me to read." Please keep writing. We may not all be on the same leg of the journey, and we may be taking vastly different routes to get there, but we're all headed to the same place in the end.
I look forward to hearing about the scenery along your path...
I need you to keep posting about your experiences and emotions. I want to know. I might be where you are some day and I want to know what to expect.
You definitely STILL belong. And I am definitely going to keep reading!
All of our journeys take us different places, but we hopefully all end up in the same place -- with a child we can call our own.
Many IFers take your same road -- I think you will find they want to hear about your journey, even if they aren't in the same place you are right now.
Please, please, please keep the updates coming!
Hugs,
Jo
I'm here and I'll be listening to you. This blog is about your journey with IF and how you finally reach the promiseland is something we're all going to want to hear. Okay? So, don't think about going anywhere.
Awa.ke in the wo.rld has a new blog at http://becomingwhole.wordpress.com/. Explanations and updates will be forthcoming.
i completely understand.. i'm in limbo-land too. {hugs}
Hi. I am a new reader but I can relate to exactly what you are saying. With our last IVF cycle failure we were in limbo. It took us 3 months to decide to go ahead with the adoption process. Even then we were very sad. It took a lot of time and soul searching during the waiting period of adoption before we were very excited. My blog is all sorts of things. It's about adoption, my thoughts on my chances of conceiving and other random things about life. I closed my blog about going through the adoption process but if you would like to read it I can allow you access. Check out my blog and see what you think. About your readers. My guess is that they are reading b/c it is you and will read no matter what you are writing or experiencing.
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