There are so many good days...and when one hard day sneeks up on you, it can be a challenge to see the forest through the trees. In the big picture, one hard day shouldn't negate any (or even a little) of the joy and the good surrounding us. I know this, I believe this, and I don't have to try very hard to live this way. But on a day like the other one, it just felt like all the pieces from a whole bunch of things came together and were crushing me...I am certain that I had been sitting on those tears for a while. I have slept so much better the past two nights--thank goodness for a good, all-out cry.
And of course I have to thank those of you who were able to comment. I could feel your hugs and support and it was so nice to be validated by those who have been through something similar. We are not alone, and I know I need to remember that when I am feeling like walling myself off from the world. I love love love you, my fellow internets!
Tonight I might shed a tear for another reason--it's my first night away from home, without my Tulip. BOOOOO! I travel regionally for my job, so being back to work means overnight trips. Luckily, I can set my own schedule and instead of doing 6 trips a month like before she came, I have only booked 3 for June. It means more time on the road for me, but I want to be home as much as possible with her--I love our bedtime rituals! Unfortunately tonight I have to miss them, but I'm trying to see it from the positive angle. It means BigTex gets some one-on-one time with her, and he gets to run the show--pick-up/drop-off for school, try to do his own dinner and feed her too, get her ready for bed, make her bottles, put her to bed, get her up in the morning, get her fed and dressed while trying to shower and get himself ready, load up the car and make it to work on time! Maybe after tonight, he'll be more apt to help me without me having to ask repeatedly every night! When I start my new position, I will have next to zero overnight travel (I think) so this is just temporary. It's good for all of us, right?
Well, off to take an uninterrupted shower and then it's an early bedtime...might as well take advantage of the big, fluffy pillows!
1 comment:
I've been having difficulty commenting with Blogger lately. I'm glad the storm clouds are lifting -- but I also feel that you deserve a good cry every once in a while. I can see that open adoption is a hard path to travel -- rewarding, yes, but easy? No. And so, whenever you need to vent, we are here.
Big hugs,
Jo
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