I want to clarify something, as I don't want anyone reading this to be misled. While Dh and I have been on this baby road for going on two years now, I want to be clear that it is not about a baby. Confused? Thought you would be. So here's the clarification...
When we started this process a couple years ago, it was for several reasons. One, my internal, biological clock just started to say it was the right time. Two, we reached that crossroad as a couple and felt it was the next step in our relationship. And three, we were ready. We had waited for Dh to finish grad school, get a good job, start working. By then I was settled into my job with a great company (opinions can change, just remember that) and I think we really felt good about where we were in our lives.
What I know now, and I think I really knew then in my heart, was that what we were ready for wasn't just a baby. It was about starting our family. Adding another life to the mix, a little one to run around. It was and is about finally reaching that place in your own life where you are ready to stop focusing on you, to stop being selfish, to stop being the center of your world. For me, it is not about just getting pregnant and having my 'own' child, but having that little person in our lives from now until forever. And as the old adage goes (& a few country songs too) in the end, to feel as if my greatest achievements in life are the children I will leave behind.
This past fall I really started to feel strongly about making the distinction between 'having a baby' and 'starting a family.' While they are certainly interchangable in many instances, for those of us in the infertile world they can feel like 'not having a baby = not having a family.' However I believe that what I've been going through, what Dh and I have both been going through doesn't mean we can't have a family. It just means that maybe our family was meant to come to us differently.
Deep in my heart, in a place I can't describe, there is this desire or feeling to learn more about starting our family through adoption. I feel drawn to it, unsure of what it means to me or to us. I get a bit excited thinking about it, how there could be a little person out there that God has intended us to bring into our lives. How in the end maybe everything that we've experienced will lead us to the family that we so desire anyway.
My prayer right now is that the Lord continues to guide us through each day, knowing that He is in charge. That He has a plan already laid out for us. But more importantly, that as we experience each new event or challenge, we would see the path He is leading us on. I ask for His help in recognizing what He is trying to show me and to hear what He is trying to say to me. And I pray that someday, if it is His will, we will have the chance to start our family however He intended.
3 comments:
This is a really beautiful post--and important for people to read and understand the distinction.
This was a beautiful and thought-provoking post. Most people don't realize that the emptiness of infertility isn't just the lack of a cute little baby to hold and cuddle and coo over. It's the lack of a FAMILY, a toddler running around the grocery store, a 6-year-old boy struggling with his homework, a 12-year-old girl coping with boy problems and cliques, a 16-year-old learning what it is to be an adult.
It's the inability to grow up yourself, after you made the conscious decision to do so. It's wanting so badly to see your husband become a father, to see your parents become grandparents, to push your own limits and see what you can accomplish.
This is why for me, like you, adoption is an option. It's not the option I'm looking for, and it sounds like a nightmare to get to the finish line. But come hell or high water, I'm going to have a family some day.
Welcome to the bloggosphere!
great post. we adopted, although it chose us much more than we chose it. but all along the way i knew it wasn't about a baby. it was about a child.
thanks for posting these thoughts and putting them into words so nicely.
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