I need to catelog something big that happened in June, but I'm still processing it. It has to do with Tulip's first mom and our social worker has suggested that I write about it so that when and if we have to explain some things to Tulip, I will have all my thoughts in one place. Just as I wrote about meeting Tulip's first family when we were matched, I want to be able to recall the details as best I can. I just don't know what to say. How will I tell my child that we started in an open adoption relationship--but then things happened and now we've lost touch? That we don't know where to find her? That the only direct link to Tulip's 3 bio-sibs is out there, but we can't reach her?
More to come...but I really need to get it out because I know that holding it in is contributing to some of my post-adoption stuff. Anyone have any advice on how to move through from open to closed in adoption? What do I do if we never hear from her again?
Again, looking forward to reading many new and old blogs. Love you, internets!
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Oh, and the new album by the Killers is FANTASTIC. I mean, unbelieveably, incredibly FANTASTIC! Check out the tracks here.
7 comments:
Wow I'm sorry to hear that you lost touch with Tulip's first mom. I hope that you can find her again. But if not I do think Tulip will understand when she gets older. It's hard to stay in touch with people. Even when you are supposed to and it's important. Life has a weird way of just interfering! I'm from ICLW btw!! HAPPY ICLW week!!
Hi from ICLW!!!
Hi from ICLW (#26),
Your story is inspiring. I wish you all the best!
Hello from ICLW. So sorry about the struggles with Tulip's first family. Praying that things become resolved. Your story is very inspiring!!
ICLW #3
Just found your blog through ICLW; forgot to sign up for it myself this month.
My parents adopted my older brother before I was born. What can I say except he is my brother.
Found you through ICLW. I did not sign up this month, but had some time to blog hop tonight. Our children are 5 1/2 years and 8 1/2 months old. We have an open adoption with both of their first families. That being said, we have gone through times where we do not have contact with them. Our daughter's birthparents we not in contact with us for almost 1 1/2 years. We are back in contact again, and you would not know we lost touch for a while. Everything picked up right where it left off! It was difficult to explain to her when we did not hear from them, especially around her birthday. We finally decided we would simply talk about them when ever possible and tell her how we were thankful they choose us to be her parents. We felt we needed to honor them and their place in our family for her. We made conversations of our family, their part in it, and our joy in the blessing of being together fill the void as much as possible.
Happy ICLW! I admittedly don't know a whole lot about open adoption, but it seems so surreal to me that she would just up and change her mind and disappear. I would guess that she'll re-appear at some point, but that kind of instability is so unfair to you and your daughter! My thoughts are with you!
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