I didn't know how to do that. I mostly still don't. But my mother...who loves me more than I could ever even begin to imagine...has seen the despair in my eyes, in my heart. For Christmas, she gave me this ornament for my tree (it is much prettier in person):
And she also got me a devotional book to work through:
Rain on Me: Devotions of Hope & Encouragement for Difficult Times by Holley Gerth
I started the readings yesterday and what I have realized very quickly is that God is speaking directly to me on these concise, heart-felt pages. I have been, of course, more at peace yesterday and today than I have been in probably over a month. Some of it is that the holidays are now behind us but really, I feel like it is because I started reading this little book.
Day One was entitled "It's Okay to Not Be Okay" and day two today was "Name that Hurricane." I spent time each day acknowledging my true emotions, forgiving myself for them, and today, I named my hurricane--I called it what it is--FEAR. I journaled a bit on each page, asking my Father to comfort me and to be with me in this rocky time.
I am so very thankful for those in my life who can see when I am not okay--and they reach out and help me to do something about it. My mom has been my biggest supporter my entire life, and I know I take that for granted some times (if not more times than not!). But she knows me, she understands me, she doesn't want to see me hurt. All the things that mothers should be and do, yet she is one-of-a-kind.
In my grief and in my daily fight to focus on life-as-it-is instead of life-as-I-want-it-to-be, my mom is there for me. I love her so much and I am blessed beyond description to have her as my very own. I pray that as I work through my heart with the help of this great devotional book, that I will be able to understand even a fraction of the love she has for me.
I love you very much, Mom. Thank you for your heart.
6 comments:
That's exactly how a mom should be. I'm glad that you have her to support and keep you going. hugs to you.
Sending tons of hugs your way.
Jo
What a wonderful mom you have. I'm so glad she gave you some tools to use to help you work through the funk. Keep writing, reading, contemplating:) keep hope alive and keep being open to the present. (((hugs)))
That was so beautifuil...Praise Jesus for having such a beautiful loving mom
What a beautiful ornament to receive. Perhaps when you take the tree down in the upcoming days/weeks you can not pack it away and keep it on a door knob or a place you see it everyday.
Sounds like the perfect devotional. Glad it's helping you already. Your mom sounds like a great role model.
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