It's been 3 years

since I went off the pill, my dear AF returned to normal, and we blissfully, and ignorantly, began trying to start our family.

3 long years.

In that time, we've had countless doctor visits, months and months of yucky meds (actually a total of 15 months out of 36 on some kind of medication), more procedures than I can count, every lab test under the sun, and a less than satisfying ride through it all.

And now, we are as close to a baby as we have ever been. While exciting in its own right, it cannot diminish what we've been through and the long, long road it has been to get here. Those three years exist for a very specific reason. A reason that only God knows because his plan included it from the beginning.

Last night, DH called me on his way home from work and said probably the best thing I've ever heard from him when I answered the phone: "Hello, future parent!"

I pray that I have the strength today and in the coming weeks and months to continue to trust in God's plan for us--we will be parents one day.

A summary of where I am right now, as written and performed by the Indigo Girls:

The Wood Song

The thin horizon of a plan is almost clear

My friends and I have had a tough time

Bruising our brains hard up against change

All the old dogs and the magician

Now I see we're in the boat in two by twos

Only the heart that we have for a tool we could use

And the very close quarters are hard to get used to

Love weighs the hull down with its weight

But the wood is tired and the wood is old

And we'll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds we'll have missed the point

Thats where I need to go

No way construction of this tricky plan

Was built by other than a greater hand

With a love that passes all out understanding

Watching closely over the journey

Yeah but what it takes to cross the great divide

Seems more than all the courage I can muster up inside

Although we get to have some answers when we reach the other side

The prize is always worth the rocky ride

But the wood is tired and the wood is old

And we'll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds we'll have missed the point

Thats where I need to go

Sometimes I ask to sneak a closer look

Skip to the final chapter of the book

And then maybe steer us clear from some of the pain it took

To get us where we are this far yeah

But the question drowns in its futility

And even I have got to laugh at me

No one gets to miss the storm of what will be

Just holding on for the ride

The wood is tired and the wood is old

We'll make it fine if the weather holds

But if the weather holds we'll have missed the point

Thats where I need to go

---------

The prize will be worth this rocky ride. That I know for sure.